Yesterdays Pictures Are Old News

I saw them at Summerfest day 2 i believe. me and jenny were rockin out you better believe...you know how we do with our pretending we know music even if we dont. well a few days after that i added them on purevolume and then never really listened to em after that day well right now i and i realize, i really love them, they're quite amazing. Everything I've Got...wow, i love that song and just every song on there is wootness so go check em out, The Effects, yes, go now!

 

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heh. for some reason im actually a skosh of a skosh nervous about dying my hair. i dont know why. i have dyed it plenty of times before and stuff, and i have no reason to be nervous at all, and i barely am but for some reason just a little bit. it might be becuase im gonna try a dif. brand but i duno. its not like im bleaching it or permenently dying it or something. yes. and mostly i have heard all good things about the kind of dye besides one that some people say it fades into really ugly colors but whatever right yes.

well i still really just wish i could dye it like right now. i wana get my haircut right now too. gar. but at the same time i want it to be really vibrant for when school starts and stuff and it will obviously fade and stuff by then cuz thats a day over a month away haha. yes. well i have almost for sure decided that it wont be red. i have died it red a lot of times and red is always the color to fade the fastest and yes, im sick of fading hair dye, its annoying but im kinda sick of purples and im not sure if i want blue but besides black(which i dont really want) those are the only ones i would really consider becuase i dont like orange yellow green white pink etc. so hmm decisions decisions....indeed.

besides that...my mom will soon start getting annoyed with me and im sure that her or my dad wont give me money for back to school stuff becuase my mom got me this green dress(it was only $10 so it shouldnt be a huge deal) and i like it, i do, but i have decided that it looks horrible on me so i have yet to wear it and she hates when i do that but i duno, yes, shes gonna get annoyed soon becuase at the store shes like "are you gonna wear this?" and i was like "yea" and i wasnt lying or anthing, i really did plan on wearing it until i decided it looks horrible on me so yes...not my fault

well jeeze summer is almost over, thats not fair, i havent really done much, august will be rather busy and i still duno how im gonna hang out with ian. which i must. i just yes.. haha.. gar im hungry too. damn insomnia, i know a nurse who even told my parents that if i take advil pm for a while to try n get me back on a regular sleeping schedule its a good idea and i wont become addicted but they still wont let me!!! wtf? right yes. so gar. llalalalala i dont even know what to do for hair sleeping n everything else haha.....*nervous look*...i think the downfall of my summer might be coming...i can feel it. its like in movies when a dinosaur is coming miles away and the cup of water on the table starts ever so slightly shaking and their like "Shh...." suggesting towards the water and then they look up in terror as they hear the footsteps and suddenly a huge tyranosaurus rex crashes through the thick brush of the forest towards their small cabin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes, so at this point i think im about to set the glass on the table....yikes! the anticipation is killing me(at least i think thats it)

DYE MY HAIR AGAIN *crowd errupts in cheers and "finally"s*
yes, so i realize i havnet dyed my hair since forever..like february...or something, im not really sure its been that long. so yes, im gonna get it cut, same style n stuff just cut n stuff so bangs back to eybrows and hair back to...wherever it usually starts a lil above the shoulder haha and then im gonna try a dye i havent before, ManicPanic cuz i was looking at tips(for without bleaching it becuase i really want to not bleach my hair becuase yea...its something i dont want to do) for it from customers and stuff and i got some good ones so colors im considering are AfterMidnightBlue, PillboxRed, and PurpleHaze or something. they all seem pretty good...so that will almost definetly be happening before school pictures and posativly before school starts. so. woot for me. yay.

LOOK IT!!!

I'M AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WATCH ME BE AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

i wish i had my own tv show. it would be on NBC...becuase they suck and need some awesomeness happeneing sometime between Scrubs(during the season) and Conan....it would be and you would all watch...you KNOW you would.

I love So Jelous more than The Con. and The Con is amazing so that is saying a lot indeed for So Jelous. I think I just like all the songs a lot more and yes....i dont even know...i just love Where Does The Good Go. probably best Tegan and Sara song ever. or maybe I Know I Know I Know..or something yes.

Dark, you can't come soon enough for me
Saved, from one more day of misery
Everything I love
Get back for me now
Everyone I love
I need you now
Don't forget a million miles for me
Safe and another day can pass by me
Everything I love
Get back for me now
Everyone I love
I need you now
So I conned, I lied
I lie to me too (so what?)
So I conned, I lied
I lie to me too (so what?)
Hold out for the ones you know will love you
Hide out from the ones you know will love you
You, you too
Right to the edge I'm barely there
Slow
To make my move, I'm almost there
Everything I say
I say to me first
Everything I do
I do to me first
So what, I lied
I lie to me too (so what?)
So what, I lied
I lie to me too (so what?)
Hold out for the ones you know will love you
Hide out from the ones you know will love you
You, you too
Dark you can't come soon enough for me

well...lately i have been in a patent pending, fall out boy, kind of mood but yse, currently im listening to Tegan and Sara, The Con and yes, amazing it is. i love itt, they're so good.
just saying. woot for them all around.

• im happy
• im sad
• im angry
• im excited
• im anxious
• im nervous
• im quiet
• im loud
• im alone
• im with friends
• im in the car
• im walking around
• i wake up
• before i got sleep
• i look at magazines
• im drawing
• im painting
• im coloring
• im cutting things out ofmagazines
• im crying
• im laughign
• im screaming
• im dancing
• im singing
• im on the computer
• im on the phone
• im IMing people
• im cleaning my room
• im deciding what movie to watch
• im eating
• im in the shower
• im doing the dishes
• im doing the laundry
• im tying my shoes
• im making my bed
• i finish a book
• im waiting for scrubs to come on
• im staring blankely in to space
• i fall
• im getting ready for school
• i get home from school
• im thinking
• i have nothing else to do
• i have everything else to do but would rather not
• before i listen to other music
• after i listen to other music
• while im listening to other music
• im pretending to play guitar
• im playing air guitar
• im taking pictures
• im looking at pictures
• im babysitting
• im buying something
• im sellling something
• im getting dressed
• im in my pajamas
• my computer isnt working
• my computer is working
• when people are home
• when people arent home(i play it louder)
• my cd player is working
• im changing the page of my calander
• im cleaning my purse
• im at a concert
• im swimming
• im breathing.

hmmm i just love patent pending.

im bored.
there are a lot of movies i want to see. they include but are not limited to: Charlie Bartlett, The Invisable, Zodiac, The Simpsons Movie, Wristcutters:A Love Story, Pirates of the Carribian 3, Harry Potter(whatever number it is), and i think the last one is called Hot Rod. so yes. make me those movies bitch!

okay so not really...you dont have to make them, however i would like to see them. just saying.

i luv Mrs. Myhre and wish libby would get online or that we both liked talking on the phone becuase niether of us do but i really need to tell her hahahahahahahahaha.

and i am just now confangryied. that a mix between confused and angry. see confused...becuase i really shouldnt be angry about it. but angry about it becuase people should know i dont like phones or asking people to do stuff(simply becuase i figure they would ask me to do something if they wanted to and they are probably doing something better at the time anyway so i would just be bothersome...) but yers. wondering what im talking about? probably. unless i've told you already(erica) but yes, i am confangryied becuase yesterday ian actually started a convo with me for the first time since yea and he said i should call him to hang out and gave me his number(again, he already gave it to me forever ago, and i told him i had it but he gave it to me anyway)...so yes...i hate calling people and asking people to do stuff becuase...wait i already explained this. well yes....haha

yay motion city soundtrack is in like 5 days. im excited. woot.

patience cant be the only virtue
perhaps inability deserves the credit
what takes the glory
the courage to win the war
or the cowardliness to not do more
the time is now
or in time all will come
to fight fire with fire
or to run from the flames
stealing your hand from the heat
the choice of bravery
or the curse of faintness
which has become more honorable
and in time
which will become the lie

Mirrors

Broken mirrors
Shattering Pasts
Don't step on broken glass

If you do, you'll have scars
You'll never know how much you bleed
You will bleed away all you need

Step carefully
Watch your feet
The glass has become obsolete

Escape before the curse reaches you
If you stay you're sure to fail
Unluckiness with  unveil

 

it started as just the first stanza, and i like that one best but i felt like it needed more, now i feel like it needs less. i duno. comment.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii cant figure out what to do0ooooo

yay!
today was like the best day since meeting Silversun Pickups!

I saw Mrs. Myhre...TWICE!!!! Oh how exciting that is, oh I was ready to cry, instead I screamed happily hahahhahaha.

im very bored

its very humid out

i just rinsed my face hair off with FREEZING cold water

becuase earlier, i febreezed the side of my face on accident

and now...i smell like febreeze

but id rather smell like febreeze than something else right?

So I See We're Talking Again...

I'll say "I don't care either
I'm totally over it too
I barely ever felt it at all"
Still, I wish you'd call

See, if I said that I'd be lying
Of course things haven't changed
But if I'm the same, then you are too
And there's really nothing left to do

Nothing left to do
Still maybe there's a point
No, there's nothing left to say
But we'll talk anyway

I can accept it for what it is
I still will have to pretend
If that's the only way to talk to you
It's a friendship we must renew

A Spark Of Nothingness

Just a spark of nothingness
That's all I expect
Nothing of what I wish was
I thought we were disconnected

Now we're talking again
I guess the silence was mended
Even though in both of our minds
Things had already ended

Almost like a loss of a friend
Even if he's still there
When we stop talking for a while
Even through akward glances and stares

And yes, it's foolish to even think it
From people you know dont care
But there's still that spark of nothingness
A spark I wish was there.

One Simple Sentence

Same old feelings
How'd they come back
I thought I'd pushed them to the back of my mind
And they come rushing back every time

I thought I didn't care anymore
I can live without
All along I realized that was pretend
Still wishing *more than a friend*

Just a few simple words
Barely attention,
Can bring back the same emotions
A mindless, confusing, commotion

The Game Of You

Voices familar
Slanted opinions
Chances dropping like bombs
Destroying whats there
Losing any possabilities
On a single gamble
In the game of you

really really really tired and i cant sleep. as usual. and yes, this must be the latest i've stayed up in a few days, i have been getting to sleep my 4ish for the last fewnights and itsl ik 430 now and im soooooo tired and i cant sleep no matter what i do and as usual i try to search the house for some form of advil pm or tylenol pm or something that has severe drowziness as an effect so maybe that would help and as usual i find nothing. ridiculous it is. i dont even know what to do. gah fuck. i hate not being able to sleep.

yay, my deviantart is working again. im happy. well for a while it wouldnt let me log in on this computer for some reason and even tho i never get commments anyway i do post stuff regularly so yes. im glad its working again.

wootness

Silhouetted

Creativly strained
Emotionally drained
Can't figure out what to do
Tried to rearrange my writings
Tried to change my thoughts
Nothing seems to work
I stopped and tried to wait it out
What is wrong I cant decide or figure out
And nothing ever changes
I have tried to forget
My mind has been beset
Everything has simply become a silhouette

 

please comment or whatever if u like it

Unwillingly leaving
Everyone and everything behind
They will forget about me soon
Go on to better things and better times
And was it always my fault for holding them back?
Even if I was their let down
They could have just told me
So I wouldn't waste their time and my own
Now I'm gone and miss them
I'm here wondering how much I meant to them
While they're wondering what adventure to go on next
They left me out, I left them behind
Not by my own choice of course
But they probably think its for the better
They never did understand

 

please comment or whatever if you like

• My Chemical Romance - Give 'Em Hell Kid
• My Chemical Romance - Vampires Will Never Hurt You
• Motion City Soundtrack - Everything Is Alright
• Kill Hannah - Unwanted
• Fall Out Boy - Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Shame Friends
• Men Women And Children - At Night We Like To Fight
• Patent Pending - This Can't Happen Again
• Bayside - Talking Of Michelagnelo
• Head Automatica - Graduation Day
• Ok Go - Do What You Want
• Blind Melon - Change
• The Used - All That I've Got
• The Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet With Butterfly Wings
• Green Day - Jesus of Suburbia

yes. that is the possible list. whatever fits.

i havent been able to think lately

and thats a shame becuase thinking wastes time and can be fun and intresting

nope, i just end up reading and not thinking about it. and i read Like We Care by Tom Matthews and i didnt think i would really like it and then i really did. and then i read Sister Slam And The Poetic Motormouth Road Trip and i thought i would like it and i really didnt. it was like a long teenage version of a bad dr suess book turned novel. like seriously, everything was really stupid and seemed forced and lame. and NOW, i started Catcher In The Rye becuase erica wanted me too and im not very far into it but so far, eh, i've read better book beginnings.

yes. that is all i really have to say.

however, it was entertaining seeing Rob Shchneider as Lindsey Lohan on Jay Leno and yes, rather funny

ga;lsjfl;aksjeiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mhmmmmm

June 23 bitchez.
the release of 'Bullets' as we have so commonly come to call it

just gonna say one thing here becuase yeah, thats the way im awesome, My Chemical Romance is about acceptance and its one thing I learned from my friends and my favorite band ever. i would not be who i am without them.     their music keeps me constantly entertained and occupied and yes. i quite enjoy their vocal and instrumental company(not to mention, they are nice to look at). so yes.

Three Cheers For MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE!!!!!!!

give me an idea of something to write about

also. i saw The Chumscrubber the other day, its very good
and....live pacman with people players would be perfect.

it has come to my attention we may be taking things too seriously
or maybe not seriously enough
its hard to distinguish between the two
the decision is too tough

should we calm it down
or should we become more aware
people are changing their minds and taking actions
saying its important to care instead of living the dare

Instead of taking the chance that things will work out
And letting everything be itself
People are saying we're the revolution
And that this is our only chance to help

And someday we will finally realize
We aren't the ones in control
No matter what we do
There will be a priceful toll

But does that really mean to leave things the same
Or let everything happen naturally
Is it really the easy way out
To live while waiting for the finale

yippeee. im babysitting doin nothing n i decided i would try every channel that looked intresting on the list and i have found Lord of War on the movie channel(west) i prbly will skip around becuase really nick cage annoys the hell outa me but i do luv jared leto. yepp i turn to the channel n i see a beware of dog sign and jared in the background, right near the front n everything wootness.

Although I regret the mistakes I have made
Where would I be without them?
I might be happier, I might have no worries
I could believe I was okay

But who is to know how things would be
If my life had played out different
Who I would have become
I wouldn't be the same, thats a garauntee

I could be much worse for the wear
My life upside down
I could be almost dying
And no one would even care

So even if I have my downs
And feel upset sometimes
It could be worse and that I know
I might even miss this town

so last night i watched Big Fish and even with the commentary on and having seen it millions...hundereds of times i still cried at the end. i always do.its just so sad and happy and awwwwwwwwwwww and and and the guy kinda reminds me of my grandpa who died n stuff and yea its just really really sad but its sooooooooooooo good and stuff. but its okay...cuz gerard cries at that movie too so its makes me feel better. it really is one of my favorites and is really amazing. laaaaaaaaa

 

in other news i also watched The Point the other day for the first time in a year or two. i luv the movie but i nver get to watch it cuz i dont have a vhs player in my room and i hate being near my family plus they wouldnt want to watch it. but it is verry good and if you havent seen it you should haha

About Earth(four haikus)

All good things must end
Eventually this Earth
There's no exception

This enviroment
It's only temporary
There's no stopping it

Spend so much time
Prevention is distraction
But not solution

There's no solution
It's bound to happen sometime
All good things must end

look, im even writing in green. okay well i know a lot, A LOT of people are talking about 'going green', global warming, saving the planet and that kind of stuff and this is just my view on the whole situation. People may think Im immature or lazy or whatever else they want to think(i dont know why im defending myself against this i just dont want people to get mad since certin people feel strongly for this) but really, like they say, all good things must end i mean hell, i love dinosaurs but theyre dead, all civilizations, all people, all life comes to an end sometimes and sometimes those endings are bad but sometimes they're okay(even if not for humans or life or whatever else they could be good in the long run) i mean, everything is just so huge(the universe and stuff) that how would we know what is best for everything. i mean honestly are humans on earth so full of themselves and concided to think that earth is the most important think in all of the universes of everything ever anywhere that we have to preserve what we have even tho no matter what it will end someday. no matter how many trees we plant and lightbulbs we switch to more enviroment friendly. let things happen. im probably just an idiot but still.

Trying to get somewhere I once feared
Taking the winding path to my destination
Slightly unknown but familar all the same
When did this change take place?
A point I once looked out upon in fright and confusion
And knowing nothing of what I saw
To trying to find it and see its wonder
So I can stare admiringly upon the view
And only now I cannot find it
Only now that it is what I want

 

wrote becuase i once had a dream and i was really scared and running away on this mountain thinggy and then a few nights ago i had a dream in the same place only i wanted to get there and a few people were with me

Pause

Closed eyes
Deep breath
Chest rises
Hold
Mind stops
Hold
Release of breath
Chest lowers
Eyes open
Looking around
Everything is insane

Following Through Not Walking Away

I can already tell you wont give me a chance
You wont give me a moment of hesitation
Pushing me to to respond immedaitly
I never had the opportunity to think things out
And now I wont have time to apologize
When something like this is said, there should be a follow through
Not a walk away
And yet you would never allow it

Standards
Trying to live up to their standards
Easier said than done
Sounds so cliche
It's true either way

I hate this stupid feeling
Doesn't everyone
It's like we're all in this together
But still alone forever

It's not something thats about to change
It wont suddenly go away
No matter how hard we try
Happiness is only something we lie

Even if it did stop
There would still be things worse
Suffering will always be taking place
Even if its not shown on our face

okay well now my regular keyboard is working for my computer so i honestly have no idea whats going on at all but im happy its wrking cuz the other ones space key is a little jammed but yes. im keeping it hooked up just in case haha.

in other news i was gonna download a free 30 day trial of macromedai fireworks photoshop becuase i really love the program and stuff and im bored all the time so now i could hang out photo shopping shit n stuff but i did and it really slowed down my computer and yea...i deleted it so yea..damn.  i really did love web design class, i wish i could take it again haha. its gonna suck not haveing Ms. Bittner next year, shes so aewsome

im really happy now i fixed it! okay well ididnt fix it but i hooked up anothere keyboard.

asw youw mayw havew noticed.w afterw everyw w ordw iw typew therew isw aw w w instertedw afterw itw andw nearw everyw doublew youw therew isw aw space.w thatw isw becuasew iw w asw w eatingw soupw andw barelyw aw drop,w seriousllyww itw shouldntw evenw bew consideredw aw dropw flickedw ontow myw keyboardw andw iw w ipedw itw offw annoyedw andw thenw aw few minutesw laterw thisw startedw happening.w somehow thew spacew barw andw w w arew connectedw andw thew capsw lockw buttonw andw thew 2W BUTTONW AREW CONNECTED2w andw w hevenerw iw pressw onew iw thinkw itsw thew tabw buttonw sow itsw w eirdsw thingsw up.w thisw isw reallyw annoyingw andw itw betterw fuckingw stopw becuasew ifw your'rew smartw youw know iw likew tow w ritew andw thisw couldw provew tow bew ratherw impossible.w iw amw fuckingw pissedw offw rightw now .

"at least i dont be anorexic"
"you tried to do suicide"
"at least i dont try to do suicide"
*mocking cutting wrists*
"she's like a hermit"
"she needs to get out of her room"
"go downstairs then"
"i hate you"
"you told ian you were in love with him"
"no they dont like you"
"i thought you didnt like them"
"why dont you kill yourself"
"go sit in your room and write your whiney depressed emo poetry"
"yes you are emo"
"yes you do"
"you're not depressed"
"you're depressed"

I AM FUCKING SICK OF THESE STUPID PEOPLE TELLING ME WHO I AM AND WHAT I DO!  i do NOT cut. i have not gone without eating since MAY. I do get OUT of my room and spend time there because I hate them. I have NEVER attempted suicide in my entire life and not ALL of my poetry is depressing. and if i were to do any of these things and if i am really depressed people shouldn't be telling me that meanly and hatefully but they should be trying to help me. i shouldnt have to take this from a fucking 8 and 12 year old and my mom. its not fucking right and im fucking sick of it

Poetic Retraction

Perhaps I was being to harsh then and there
I didn't mean to be so rude
I know how you feel
I was just looking through the mirror to you
Instead of seeing into it and back at myself like I usually do
I can relate and was trying to make a big deal
Out of something we all go through
And next time I'm standing in your place
Staring sadly at the reflection of my face
I'll try not to see myself and my troubles
And realize, that every person has their others, every person has a double
And that's what you are to me
We all have to try harder to see
That is what you are to me.

Yes, I Am Talking To You

I have that way of getting to you dont I?
I bet you're thinking that I can read your thoughts,
I am, for example, responding to all that passes through your mind
"Are you talking to me?" I know it's what you wonder
So self absorbed, or maybe you're just smarter than that
You see what I'm trying to do
Physch you out and show you who's in control
You're over thinking things
I knew that's what you were wondering
You don't have to ask again, I'll just let you know
I know who you are
Even if you don't say a thing, I know what's going on
And that queezy feeling you're about to get...I can make it disapear
Please, you just have to talk to me

Everyone's Got Problems, Show Me How You're Different

You're crisis is nothing
What an overload you have here
Is that really too much to bear
I'm sure
That one little problem that arises once in a very long while
Too much for you too handle
Or too much for you to see
Does your problem really block everyone elses
Don't you see how good you have it
Or am I seeing wrong, myself
When your problems become my problems its become too much
But what else am I hear for
I always said I would listen

Existance

The seriousness is misunderstood
Extisential topics have been debated back and forth
Still no answer decided
Is it a waste of time as they say
Doubtful
Isn't this what our existance is?
Without the solution this conversastion would not even be possible
Try and bring me down with out knowing how
That's what you're doing anyway
Might as well try and do it with a bit of wisdom
Wisdom you wish you had
Or at least, you should have, since you're side is so absurd

i wrote this while watching the commentary on I Heart Huckabees. I like it and stuff.

i cant. wow. its just...i dont even know anymore.

i personally thought mikey would have beat him to it but i guess not.

unless...

Suprise! You're in the Spotlight!

What a suprise
You got us again
You're really making your way to the top
Will you ever stop

You have the perfect life
And you just keep going
Does she realize why you did this
It wasnt just a kiss

Is it just a ploy to go above and beyond
Is it just another stunt
People will say things but no one will know
People will think its just for the show

And maybe it is
Or maybe it's sincere
It's much more serious than we all thought
Thinking the love was something you bought

It's been a long time now
We've all had our doubts
I believe it's true
Becuase now more than fans, will be depending upon you

uh........uhm...okay.....

Pete Wentz is gonna be daddy...holy shit.....

im not upset becuase i dont really like pete but but i really dont know if he's suited to be a father but whatever that's not my business....and uhm...wow

i read about it here on buzznet and it was just like deep breath - freek out.....omg...i just wow.

and he's engaged. wow. wow.

schweet. i knew there was some posative to insomnia. Fall Out Boy is on Carson.

akward. Carson just said that he broke up with Pete backstage...laalallalala

Go Above and Beyond

It's self-fulfilling prophecy perhaps
Couldn't you break the mold,
Prove them wrong for once,
Instead of giving them the pleasure of knowing they were right

Wouldn't you rather look smart for once
And be the winner of the fight,
Show them you aren't who they think you are,
Of course not, you will just play along as always

Kill yourself someday probably
Since that's what they once predicted,
And is it their fault or yours,
Of course the blame goes to them, thats what you always say

Explanation

You wonder why I'm made at you
And feel no remorse for my words
All you are is a cry for attention
And I'm sick of all you do

No one else seems to care
They put up with your stupid actions
Everyone knows what's going to happen
But watch I cannot bear

They say life will catch up with you
But that wont be for a while
You need someone to bring you down
You deserve it for what you do

And maybe karma will come around
Show you how immature you've been
There are too many things you've done wrong
And no one else makes a sound

I'm not afraid to tell you you're wrong
Even if I sound mean and hateful
You get what you deserve, you asked for this
By making bad decisions headlong

You may hate me for this
For trying to set you straight
I'm just trying to help you out
By not letting what you do be dismissed

yes it is true i have no desire to drink

yes i am disgusted by my brother and know to expect nothing but stupidity from him

no i did not think he would drink before me....or with my family

yes it is true that yesterday while boating he chugged a thermous type thing full of some mixed drink

i hate him more and more

and cant wait til life catches up to him.

he's not even in fucking middle school yet.

Don't Tell Me When

I get this sick sad feeling in my chest sometimes
Like someones telling me it's my time to die
I try to say they're wrong and they dont care
I try to convince myself its all a lie

And it never ever works, they know too much
They aren't trying to bring me down
They just want me to keep in touch
And they think they know me

Just trying to inform me of what's going on
They don't understand what they've done
Do they think I can go on living my life,
Do they think I can still have fun?

It's will never ever leave my head
The feeling's in the pit of my stomach
All of the things they've said
Were all I needed to here

And no I'm not sure about caring on
Or what is now going to happen
I know things wont and cant be the same
If only my life could sing

To live is to sing
But that just isn't happening
In my throat there's something
A block of sorts, preventing me from being

Reason

Everyone's the same
Can't you see
And there's no where to place the blame
Not a person is at fault
Could there be a reason
Not one you could see
Or maybe it changes with season
No one could tell you why it happens
Maybe we're not the same
And things just seem that way
When everythings too tame
But who's to say what's not enough,?
Is it when no one smiles anymore?
Or when there's no one left?
Maybe it's when we forget what we're for
As if we've ever known
Maybe when we start to give up and give in
That could be the end
That could possibly be, the one and only true sin.

Walk Away.

So watch me walk away, with my head bowed down in shame
I did nothing wrong to you
And somehow I feel rejected once again
You never said a word to me
I could never look you in the eye
You don't know what I could be
Why do I feel rejected now
As if something wrong has been done?
I dont understand feelings this, why they happen and how
How can this happen, I don't even know you
We've exchanged not a single word
And somehow, when I see you, I can't think of a thing to do
So I will walk away
And try to remain annyonomus
And hopefully you will forget me, soon this very day.

existential

conundrum 

endangered

possible

electric

mistake

reject

disenchanted

marvelous

remorseful

shame

regret

susceptibility

asleep

decrepit

grim

dusk

twilight

gloom

melancholy

woe

forlorn

isolation

charming

chivilary

beineign(sp?)

 

RAY TORO IS THIRTY TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST GUITAR PLAYER EVA!

i should buy a cake, or cupcake, or cookie, or pretend i have one of those, or a piniata, or a party hat, maybe i will dress up, no worries i will figure it out!

Hidden in A Boulevard

Stopping along the boulevard
Every once and a while,
Pausing to watch the menagerie,
From a hidden point of view.
Holding the key that holds back that the horror,
In a moment it could all let go.

 

(Erica's favorite words).

 

im gonna write ericas favorite words poem tomarrow.
but i guess you would never guess what im doing now.

see, to understand my actions you must first know that i am a very weird odd individual with strange passtimes, beliefs, habits, and such and such and that i dont think very highly of myself and that i like to dress up. oh, i also have have slight insomnia some of the time.
okay, so you got the background info. 
sometimes, every once and a while at in the early morning/late night hours i love to play dress up. i do my makeup all fancy(tonight i have done it similar to lilly allen's eye makeup which i luv) and the attire consists of a red heart necklace, black twirp dress(sleevless) with long black under(to add to the ruffly affect of course) and on the bottom of it all white and black converse.  and then, once it is all on and i am looking as if i am ready for a dance of somesort i pretend i look pretty and take pictures. i delete most of them. but yes. that is what i do. and that is how i am dressed right now and yes. pretty soon i shall probably fall asleep since it 4:30. perhaps i will fall asleep in this and dress liek this all day tomarrow, though i doubt that will happen. however i may post a few pictures just for the hell of it

okay so yea, the title has nothing to do with the topic. but yea, i guess earlier today or yesterday or somethign my brother was made at my mom and wanted her to take him somewhere so he came downstairs and messed with the tv chords for the whole house so she couldnt watch tv. and now all the channels dont work and i am missing scrubs and that is rather sad becuase i really feel like watching scrubs right now. and from what i remmeber someone good is on jay leno and im in love with connan so i cant miss that!!!

in other, worse, news...my cousin cody is following in roberts footsteps(even tho robert is younger) and yea, there have been a few thefts around the town my cousin carrie lives in and cody was staying with her. and yea, he left for georgia i think yesterday and carrie went to clean up the area where he hangs out near this river or bridge or something and she found a purse and its belongs dumped out or somthing so she called Phil(codys uncle in georgia) and told him that she is missing something and to check his bags when he gets back so Phil did and he found like 6 cell phones and a ton of money i guess and some other stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what the fuck is it with the guys in this stupid fucked up family. why do they keep on stealing shit? its not even the dudes its like everyone! okay well there are lik 3 people in my family that i know have stolen stuff but only 2 serious ones. lik my mom steals from me and yea what the fucking fuck is that kids problem. i seriously think he wants to get sent to military school or something. well, needless to say, the phones and everything are going to be returned and cody is in huge trouble(phil makes him do 100 pushups if he so much as talks back so its prbly gonna be pretty fucking bad)

annnnnnnnnd the tv is still not working.

and the book im reading makes me really angry.

and peace out motha fuckas.