Yesterdays Pictures Are Old News

i love getting stuff in the mail

jared leto said a song from the movie The Point was a song that changed his life...i loved that movie and it's music, very odd though. oblio is pretty hot for a naked pale kid with no point.

wow the seniors are leaving, aw i will miss them...not that i ever talked to them really that much(besides amber recently and alison once and a while) it will just be wierd not having them around

elf ears

no more dancing around the christmas tree and knocking over rocks :(

the last day of school will be the shizzznit. i hope everyone can come and then hopefully we can all come to my house after, either sitting in my backyard playing guitar around a fire or hanging in the basement playing ping pong and playing guitar doing stupid shit, making fun memories

photocopying pictures is not fun

adam looks like a brendon ryan urie ross.....frightening....and my cousin sam   0.o

im sposed to go to my cousins house for my cousin sams graduation, cousin libbys birthday, and fathers day. bla no way.

walks in the rain arent always fun

there is a time and place for rain

i would love to make a cool music video for a song. any song. if only i had some sort of editing software

i should get more picture frames

i should read more

read the book impulse. its very very very good, it looks long but its not

i had a dream heidi and i were in a car and she was freaking out and like jerking the steering wheel around trying to kill us...we were both laughing

i would be more successful in an airband

i miss mikey

dan clinch=amazing photographer

i have an elephant pencil sharpner

i believe in the lochness monster....i want to believe in it.

hm i wonder if gingerbread can get moldy...mine has not yet

some lady is talking about her penis on conan...joy bayheart or something

my camera memory is almost full. that really really really means i have to get them developed, i think thre is about 600 pictures. holy shit. 600 X 19 =  114.00.................wow.

i need to find a non digital camera

i forgot about envy on the coast

i believe that tegan and sara have a fasination with stripes. i have seen many pics/vids of them both wearing strips. im not that fond of stripes

my penguin shoes are wet :(

PiNg PoNg RoCkS

why did i just right it like that?

i wanna go to the mall this weekend.ooo fun.

ugly dolls have my heart

so does he...gar.

i should dye my hair

i wish i could write more often and better

amber stole a book haha. looser

im gone.

midnight shows control
only you can see my secrets
time will relieve me of this burden
i have chosen to force upon myself
it's overpowered me and forced itself to stay

midnight shows control
you don't know the meaning
i can wait the time, its nothing
i know i can wait, it's all i have
wishing this wasn't the only way

midnight shows control
you dont understand the importance
control that i need, it shows who i am
i can conquer this dieses, i can win the fight
but i have yet to give in, and i wont until midnight.

 

by my side: water
looking at: old journal of shame and computer screen
listening to: courage: superchick
thinking about: a lot.

My reflection, dirty mirror
There's no connection to myself
I'm your lover, I'm your zero
I'm in the face of your dreams of glass
So save your prayers
For when we're really gonna need'em
Throw out your cares and fly
Wanna go for a ride?

She's the one for me
She's all I really need
Cause she's the one for me
Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
And cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me
Intoxicated with the madness, I'm in love with my sadness
Bullshit fakers, enchanted kingdoms
The fasion victims chew their charcoal teeth
I never let on, that I was on a sinking ship
I never let on that I was down
You blame yourself, for what you can't ignore
You blame yourself for wanting more
She's the one for me
She's all I really need
She's the one for me
She's my one and only

---

i do indeed love that song. it was stuck in my head 2nd block. just saying. woot. argh a week and 3 days til school is over.  yay scrubs is on.

um i guess if you can decode these you know the reasons why each part is a differnt reason. the main 2 anyway

i love you
i hate you
i just can't get enough
when i see them holding hands
i hunger for your touch
to tell me someday i'll be in her spot
and you can help me there
or land me in a hospital bed
my eyes a blank, starved, stare
and no one understands whats happening
why i chose this path
they dont know what kind of love can form
even though it's simple, math.

 

you show control and strength
in times of dire need
although my stomach rumbles
my true desire is what you feed
grasping on to all i have
weakness in my breath
empty in my heart
these are the only downfalls
from what i had to start
the consequences are many
the rewards they come too slow
this helps to show my patience
my strength, my self control
for i can hold myself back
where others fail to see
the pressure of society
the way i have to be
others dont know when they give in
the forcefullness they lack
how can they not see what they're loosing
and what i'm getting back

sooo mcr is coming to tinly park on september first and i have been trying to decide if i am going to go. pit tickets have sold out and now if i go i will opt for buying lawn seats most likely. see, i love my chemical romance, deff on my fave band list and i love seeing them and i love everything about them but i was hesitent to go of the price. i still kinda am. i just watched n mcr vid from a live performance just the other day and just hearing gerard talk and then hearing them all perform really made me sad i might not go. i luv em so much. i duno, maybe i will end up going n we'll just start our own mosh pit in the lawn seats a million miles away from the stage. they are worth it.

as a continuation...no....a take off of my last journal that name has lead me to danny clinch, amazing, inspiring photographer.

 
this is beautiful, especially on the first side of it in the water with the light and then really pretty blue... wow

and he has indeed captured the beautiful, the brilliant, Billy Corgen, very nice, i love all of his human portraits, even those of such people as tupac and *shudders* dave matthews


at first i thought he did all black and whites, nope, here is wondeful color of Conor Orbst of Bright Eyes, very nice, he captures the emotion and feeling of evertying soo good

and this last one is callled "Faded" it is obviously not a portrait but can u see the crazy cool emotion in this!!!!!

---

---

hmmm, what a great photographer right? i mean, i've seen good stuff but i think he might just be one of my favorites if not my favorite, i onl wish i could find more of his stuff.  like seriously....his stuff is what i aspire mine to be. not in the fact it will look exactly like his but in the way that someday i could capture emotion and feeling and the character of everyone and everything in the picture so perfectly.

shout out to him.

 

---

Shannon Hoon. Blind Melon.        

so all i wanted to do was find the video for No Rain and upload it to buzznet seeing as i am in a bit of a blind melon no rain type of mood. i did that. i of course watched the video and couldnt help but wonder what he was on when this video was thought of and made. he seemed as if he were on something. he was as i further learned on acid. i looked into a few more videos(and uploaded them, go watch) and decided to look a little further into Shannon Hoon. i have since found that he died of an accidental coccain overdose. i find him very intresting and have always loved this bands music.

here are some quotes by him

I hate the word 'hippy'. I hate a lot of people, and hippies don't do that!
this sounds like something nate would say...would have said...is saying...

I have a phobia of anything that doesn't die in the microwave after five seconds.
And this sounds like something someone of my chem would say...

I know that sounds selfish, but you have to look at what it's doing to you personally - are you frustrated because of the way people perceive you, or are you happy enough about the things you've realized about yourself that you can tolerate the way people perceive you?

I made a living out of being a class clown.

I really enjoy the therapeutic value of writing songs.
i do too, only more with poetry i guess...since i dont really write songs...

I want to do more. I'm never satisfied with what I've done.
me neither

Keep on dreaming boy, cause when you stop dreamin' it's time to die.
thats such a brilliant quote, i love it.

Life isn't a tiptoe through the tulips.
exactly...its more like trampling through tons of tulips and tigers too

Our strength is in our live shows and it's not like we're too good to play anywhere.

That's when I realize that the people who come to the shows, that's their role... to help us understand why we enjoy doing this sometimes.

There's no leader of this band, and there never will be. That's the key. You can't control how the public perceives you-people see rock'n'roll bands as the guitar player and the singer.

We all enjoy the band and what we're doing, but we know this isn't gonna last forever.

We never were the band that believed in making all that money and becoming stars.

You use everything. You use tragedy you use everything.

i really like this picture n would like to do one similar to it someday(how unorginal of me)

 

 

erm poem/song first...it kinda goes to a sound of a silversun pickups song(common reactor)  i guess...but im sure its better as a poem anyway i duno, its not finished but right now its only written on a greasy paper plate becuase i did decide to eat today(Unlike Yesterday)

 

I have a feeling im hated
Or maybe I am just jaded
For years I've tried to be myself
But someone always causes me self doubt

I fell my brain start it's fading
My life is nothing but waiting
I try to find meaning somewhere
Now I don't even care

Of what happens to me
Why oh why can't you see
My life is all imitation
Of what I wish I could be

And I'd rather leave this place
Than be a continuous disgrace
Wont see myself again
Will it be better off this way...

 

yes so blar. im reading the book Impulse by Ellen Hopkins, its really good, i love the way it's written, almost in fragments of ideas rather than whole thoughts, but i still completly understand. the whole thing also just sounds good, i duno, its good, its intresting. next im gonna read notes from a teenage underground and heart shaped box. i do wish books werent so expensive.

E  M O

I prefer Jello

E M O

I'd rather play bingo

E M O

I thought you said Emu

E M O

You said that word again

E M O

 uh oh spaggetti O

E M O

What am i saying

E M O

Switched up  it spells Moe

E M O

Reversed it spells Ome

E M O

like the german word for grandma

E M O

i like my car to ride low

E M O

i shot elmo

E M O

And threw him in a big whole

E M O

through the word away

E M O

It doesnt mean your homo

E M O

 and even if it did

E M O

Id luv u still jus so u no

E M O

Just 3 letters

E M O

The word has really got to go

E M O

Im leaving u fuck bag.

 

im bored and just watched some news report that was a warning on emo, it was pretty lame and i like songs so i made one. i guess its not as funny if i cant sing it for you in my awesome singing voice with the expression, emo obviously isnt a word but i like to use it in this song.

did anyone else notice the world is shaking

did no one see the destruction?

the dead are easier to manipulate, they follow every rule

blar im jus hanging out  listening to motion city soundtrack bored waiting to go babysit. we'll prbly go the the park. the park i luv the demon children i hate. omg its only wednesday. shoot me. pfttt im gonna fail a german test tomarrow, a whole chapter test too, not just a quiz. yikes! my sisters in baseball, i used to be in baseball when i was like a little younger than her i think. i wonder if anyone ever wonders about me the way i wonder about them, i wonder what i must be on to even think they would. probably crack.  CRACK COCAINE! well that was pointless. teehee yes. the only class that is relativly intresting any more is web design. my commerical will be sweet but im kinda stuck on this one spot becuase i messed up when i first started so i keep having to mess with the time and fading in and out. i might be able to get a copy of it when im done and i want to post it here becuase i mean, who wouldnt want to see a swiffer commerical with unicorns and possibly courage the cowardly dog music!?!?!??!?!?! i wouldnt miss it for the world. hm speaking of classes intermediate comp is getting lamer and lamer but right now im writing a narrative that has to have a theme and be true and possibly life chaning, im writing about the epiphanies opening, not mind shattering or life changing in anyway but whatever, i had no idea what else to write about because i think stuff that changes lives doesnt happen in one huge moments but more like millions of little things or even stupid small conversations, or entire friendships, so instead i got epiphanies opening. blaaaaaa garrr booo naaaa.

 

I hope you wonder from time to time...

i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i hate myself
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack
i luv motion city soundtrack

but i can still pretend with my memories and photographs i have learned to love the lie(the lie is that im happy)

 

its one of those times when i feel oober creative and shit....a good thing? no not really becuase that usually(and in this case) means i am oober not happy.

ive noticed particularly in some of my recent poetry(posted here and not posted) that it is angry and demanding and at this moment i feel like ripping all of my posters off the wall and crumpling them in to a big ball of hottness(because most posters are indeed of very pleasent looking men such as frank) oh and besides that anger i also feel like shit in general and cant concentrate and i didnt eat yesterday.

i regret, fear, eat, hate, love, envy, hope, risk, breath too much.

The Hardest Decision

so fool yourself with control
and wonder if you made the right decision
starve yourself of what you need
the false sense of happiness

anything to feel okay for once
you crave all you hate
you have desire for what is not yours
crying for accomplishments not meant to be

you know you can accomplish anything
why give in to your demons
if you give up now, you loose too much
if you stay hard headed, stubborn, strong, you may die

its all about a temporary fix or long lasting feeling
confused about what is right
you're not sure of which is which or what is more important
too much or too little going on

make a quick decision
kill or live
give in or go on
a temporary fix or long lasting feeling

 

phew i just finished my final project for german, a calander, it seems pretty easy but was kinda hard i guess. i have enough pictures of mcr on there though haha. see cuz the theme is Meine Lieblinge(my favorites) and i have a page for my favorite male singer and my favorite band, and my favorite kind of music. so yes. indeed. i quite enjoyed the project just becuase i decide for the background pictures to paint them half in water color and then add another pic from online or something and i just love water colors but i could never paint like a whole picture in water colors becuase they are too messy and sloppy(at least when i use them) and im horrible at mixing things. yes, so i have a friend moving to ohio and im making her this scrapbook type thing but not really i duno but i got this sketchbook with bindings that has lik 250 pages and im on page 44...i only have like 2-3 weeks to finish it and ive already been working on it for a week, i really hope i get it done in time but i still have a jiliion pictures i need to copy to put in there so then it will be good.

you know what i dont understand, all the good books are extremly expensive and often not in libraries or i cant find them. there are a few books i currently would really really really like to read but they are a jillion dollars a peice. they are; Impulse, Heart Shaped Box, Teenage Underground(i think thats the title im not sure) and there are a few other ones that im not sure of the title or author but i know em if i see em and seriously they are from $16-25 and yea i like reading but thats ridiculous. just like $70 projektrevolution tickets!!!!! thats insane, it would be different if it was all bands i like but i really only like 2/3 of them, mainly My Chem, i dont even like linkin park! so yea, i have no idea if i am actually going to see them at tinley park because a while ago i decide not to waste my money so much even tho i luv music and concerts. actually pretaining to concerts...well...music...a friend brought up an idea to me a while ago.  something about bands selling more clothes than music. and it kinda well i duno, i understand buying band tees at concerts becuase they are like memories of it, at least for me, but like...i duno why buy a shirt from a band you kinda like if you havent seen them, yea its in support of the band and stuff but some people do focus on more than the music. i know i focus on stuff besides the music, although only with bands i likes music, im not like ohh i luv the horrors cuz they dress cool and look intresting with big hair becuase i hate their music but im like dude frank is fucking amazing and hot and i luv him more than ever, AND i luv my chemical romance and all their music. yes. and also i kinda started thinking about all my posters, i mean the reason i mainly have them up is that i hate plain walls, when i was lik 12 i had all my hiliry duff lindsey lohan and avril levine posters over my walls, now i have my chem, fob, greenday, etc. yea...i duno i confuse myself.

ooo you know what other book i want when it comes out(sometime this month) Revolution on Canvas2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ohh i want it so bad, the first one was lik $12 and hopefully this will be too and i will defintly buy it forsure. wootness.

Macabre Lyrics, Sing Your Sad Song

bow your head in the shame you've created
the self hate you have surrounded with yourself
you think it a trend, something that must be done
you've drown yourself in this joke, this lie

it's not cool like you thought it would be
it's serious, no act put on falsly
you cant control it like you thought you would be able to
you wish you could take back the harmful lies

not only have you hurt yourself in your struggle for meaning
you've hurt your friends and those who love you most
you've caused people hours of worry
and only so that you could be pittied

you wove a tail so intricate and sorrowful
so dramatically spun for a plea of love
for one "i love you too much" and "i'd miss you if you left"
the words were true, you needn't lie to get them

they already loved you too much and would miss you if you left
yet you felt it neccessary to make them speak the words
forced them to admit this through lies and exaggerations
feeling sorry for yourself and others feeling sorry for you

it shouldnt be the attention you want
not the kind of attention you should crave
never should your want for love hurt someone
especially someone you love

you hurt them all anyway
you hurt yourself in the process
your quest for a shameful tale
and problems to hard to solve

act like no one will help you
and nobody understands your troubles
even if they're overtold, they dont worry you as much as you make it seem
becuase its all about you and what you deserve

you're a good friend who craves love and friendship
all you want is a little recognition for all you have done
all you feel you deserve
you're a good friend who craves attention

you let your wishes over power your good
let your selfishness ruin your innocence you have achieved
why couldnt you live like the rest of us
and dont wory those you love with false attempts and suicidal lies

oh the macabre stories you have made
you've fooled us all with your so called confusion
you have a will to live dont act as otherwise
show how proud of life you are, you should be

eh this is kinda a bunch of shit i put together and hoped it sounded good, i wanted to write and sound good not i duno, i  duno if it really makes sense, who its to(if anyone) yea, its just kinda nothing but something, im sure it makes no sense it all and i have yet to read it myself expect for as i wrote it. i will realize how lame and pointless it is as i rewrite it into my poetry notebook

teehee  jared leto doesnt have a bear like beard anymore!!!!! oh isn't it wonderful! it is, it really is. he still has a lil bit goin on but at least its not like a carpet made of hair on his face anymore. it makes me happy i can actually see his face again unlike at taste of chaos. ah yes. just thought i would mention such a thing.

holding hands.(give me a better title)

lets hold hands just for a little while
just to see what its like
see how it feels
if we like it, if it feels right, let's not let go

let's walk along throughout the day
pretending we're together
and if we like it
lets not pretend any more, lets be together

lets be the couple they never saw coming
show them who we are
who we've become
and be all that we can be, together we can

lets fight all odds that push us apart
change our differences
into similarities
and end up together, just for a little while

lets hold hands just for a little while
just to see what its like
see how it feels
if we hate it, let go, and forget the whole thing

continue to know eachother
through akward silences
confused glances
let's pretend this never happened, its better than forever wondering

 

 

 

He Without Friends Simply Cannot See

All he wants is someone
Everyone is there
Yet there is too much distraction
He thinks his life unfair

He doesnt realize whos around
Or all who love him near
No deep relationships formed for real
It may be what he fears

He sits to the side
Alone on the ground
Feeling sorry for himself
He doesnt see all his friends around

All his friends who love him
And beg of him for joy
He doesnt give them half a chance
He thinks his openness would alloy

Ruin what he has built up
His ammunity to being alone
How come he cant see it?
That when he is with his friends, he's home.

He starts to give them half a chance
And show him that he's there
He begins to see they love him
And that they will always care

But still his is reluctent
To let his true feelings show
And he doesnt realize that deep inside
Everyone already knows

Becuase friends can read eachother
No matter how closed off they might be
Friends will know the truth
And that is a garuntee

What the Rain Does.

Washes away the sadness
Leaves all the worries behind
Joins us all together
In relief we sigh

For once we are all connected
We can all be happy, but not very dry
Nothing serious about it
It makes us happy and we don't ask 'why?'

Is it the sky crying and letting things out
The cry of a great release?
Is it how we want to feel in the end
The feel of the final feast

If it could end in the feeling of rain
And being with friends soaking wet
If even life could stay this way
It's ironic we all met

For how often is a rain cure all
For most everyone in the group?
How can it make us feel the same way
As we are all apart of the loop?

Maybe we are all meant to be friends
If only the rain can tell
Things are supposed to be this way
In love with all my friends I fell

It happend when I realized this
How different yet alike we can be
I might be the only one who things this way
Am I the only one who can see?

See how this rain has brought us together
And washed us free of any differences or upsets
Just let everything go besides friendship
And that's all we ever need to get.

 

Inspired by this rainy day and all the people who enjoyed it

Adam, Michelle, Aaron
even him

and of course erica who took the pictures and jenny who wasnt in any mysteriously

i have too much school stuff to do but i cant focus

im thinking about too many things

i have too much time to think

and more than too much time since i cant sleep

becuase there are too many things to think about

not great things to think about

not neccessarily always horrible things to think about

too many realizations to see

instead of seeing whats in front of me

(world history homework underneath a book of goodbyeness for cassi, i have been getting distracted)

i have thinking about who i love. all of my friends.

also about how much looks do seem to matter to people in music

even though you cant see music

and it is for everyone. even me. even you. if you have a single picture of mcr on your computer you can not say it doesnt matter. even if you would love them otherwise things are too focused on the way they look or they buy their merch. why? i have jillions of band shirts, for the reason of i get them mostly at shows and they serve as somewhat memories, i like to remember stuff, others i dunno why.

thinking about all the things that could have been done and will be forgotten. not regretting anything really, just realizing

i hate realizing stuff but at the same time its obviously insightful

i just realized, i have to go.....

i had a giggly day today, just as the title states. hee hee heee hee hee hee.

i luv giggly days they are just nice. its like dude...why isnt everyone else giggly too?!?! you see i woke up bored and tired as usual but when i got to school a friend said he when he had to pee later he was gonna come in the hallway and pee on my drawing....thats a really stupid but hilarious thing to say and i couldnt stop laughing...who the hell says that??? no one else even thought it was funny but it was. then in german we had to do this partner thing where we had to describe a school event without using english n kinda using charades for part of it and me and my partner were soooo horrible, i pretended to throw a football and he didnt understand it was football and we couldnt stop laughing about it and then a kid was being yelled at kinda by a teacher and in the middle of it hes like " no no no, frau wochenski guess what, i drew a picture of you this weekend!!!" haahahaha and it was so funny :)
also someone wrote a poem for me about missing their pillow and they lost it and they wanted it back and if they ever lost it for real their mom would get them a rhianna and they would cuddle with me instead of a pillow, odd yes, a joke, of course, yes i did laugh laugh laugh lalahahahahah

want to to know what isnt giggly happy though? it is just something i dont understand and i duno, i know people like this and they might not even realize it and i know im like this sometimes im sure becuase everyone is but some people are like this all the time. its like, if something doesnt go right they get all upset and over react, and i dont mean like have a litttle fit but they get like....i duno, like if they dont understand something they freak out and get really really stressed after only trying like one time and not even asking anyone for help. i know i HATE asking people for help, especially if i need it, but i try really really hard numerous times before asking and i dont really complain or pout about it becuase how the hell will that change anything?????

did anyone know you can actually go to jail for illegal downloading and filesharing??? i did not til i wrote a paper about it, yea, first time offenders can go for up to 3 years and repeat offenders can go for up to 6 with fines and lawsuits!!!! i think thats crazy and i know its wrong and stealing and stuff but yea.

yeaaaah wooot my ap finally arrived today! i mean, yeah, i already bought it last friday but il sell it to a friend with out a subscription, i LOVE getting stuff in the mail, it is my FAVORITE!!!! yes indeed i just love it.

i also got a few art books today from the scholastic book fair, i wasnt there so my mom picked em out and they arent great or anything but its good duh.  first a chinese brush painting thing, the brushes are too big to use correctly but i can use the water colors it came with for regular water color painting.  i also got a how to draw pets book which i really like just becuase it comes with lik 5 really nice professional pencils, a really good maluable eraser and a nice stub stick thingie, also an artist era imitation book with acrylic paints thats pretty cool, and a how to draw ugly dolls book because woot i just got an ugly doll key chain(bop n beep) because my friend is moving this summer and i got one n im gonna give her the same one in a differnt color and stuff and its description is like about how they dont agree about everything and they they like different things but htey are still friends and they lean on eachother, and thats how we are so i thought it was a cool idea.

k that it.

I wake up to my alarm clock beeping high pitched and loud, I scramble out of bed, walk across the room and turn it off.  I quickly grab my allergy medicine and head upstairs to get ready for the day.  My first waking thoughts are of the dream I had what seemed like seconds before.  It had something to do with my friends but there was a bunch of cars, fire, and possibly trees.  I brush me teeth and get into the shower, trying to rush I wash my hair and hurry to get dressed as soon as I get out.  I put on a red t-shirt, assuming it's my My Chemical Romance one, it isn't, it's a Lollapalooza one with a stain right on the front of it. I have no idea what the stain is from but it seems like it could have been from macaroni and cheese...or something like that, i pull it off and try to find another clean shirt that isn't too small or lame, I settle with a blue Violent Femmes shirt that's kinda long.  I put on my eyeliner and mascara and grab my favorite necklace before grabbing my backpack and purse and going upstairs.  Upstairs I brush and blow dry my hair, I realize that I haven't dyed it in a long time but something has been wierd with it lately, it feels all gross, I really want to dye it black with a blue tint but that wont happen.  I open the fridge and look for a bottle of water, then I convince my mom that I have to leave earlier than 7 so that I can hang out with my friends, even if it is only for a little while in the morning.  We drive to school listening to Dave Matthews Band, my mom is obsesed...I cannot stand him or his music. As we pull into the driveway of the school she changes the cd to My Chemical Romance, there isn't enough time for me to even hear one song, I get out of the car singing the song in my head.  I walk towards the group of doors to the school and walk inside.

There is a girl sitting against a wall by the window talking on her cell phone, her friend is pacing aimlessly passed the window assumably looking for someone.  There is a large goup of boys on the other side of the room, they're hanging out and messing around, one jokingly pushes a heavier one into the crappy walls of our school.  It leaves a huge dent and crack in the wall, I smirk and roll my eyes and how immature freshman guys can be but know that I'm just as immature I just havent broken a wall lately.  I turn the corner and walk past a few of my old classrooms and turn 2 more times before seeing any more people.  A few girls are leaning against the wall and 15 kids or so are gathered in the middle of the hallway.  A few are making out and such despite our schools PDA rules and I try to find away through everyone, I nearly get run into by a tall thin teacher I have never had.  I continue walking, I walk past a group of boys messing around, just like the ones before, and another group of boys, I'm close to my friends.  I turn the corner as they all look and stare.  I get stuck behind a line of oober slow walking girls in short skirts and leggings. Why do they have to be so slow? I continue walking behind them with my head down looking up every so often, a girl in a white Boys Like Girls hoodie waves  and yells my name happily.  I wave back and yell 'KATIE!' copying the voice she had just use, the girls in front of me turn and look at me like I'm crazy and hurry up.  Adam prances over to me saying my name in a sing songy way and leans a little to give me a hug, I get a hug from Adam pretty much every day.  I greet my peoples as usual and announce how many days it is til Taste Of Chaos, its tomarrow and I can't wait.  Andi, Nikki, and Katie are excited about it with me.  A girl in a red clandestine hoodie is sitting on the ground and looks up saying, "Not for me becuase I don't get to go because my stupid parents wont let me go to The Rave."  I randomly start making up a secret plan for her to be able to come with us that involves a manniquin, spaghetti, a bus, and a gun.  A tall kid, Erick, looks to me and tells me my idea is stupid.  I reply with my awesome comeback of "well at least I'm not a butthead that smells bad like you" he stares and me stupidly with one eye all twitched scrunched up wierd and an eyebrow raised, I try to stare back and can't help but laugh at his stupidity, I have no idea why he thinks he is so great, he isn't nice at all, he is an ass.  He turns back to his friend shaking his head saying how I can't keep a straight face.  His friend on the floor is wearing a slip knot hoodie and has headphones on, his music is loud enough that I can hear him a few feet away from him but somehow he stills understands what happend and smirks at it and shakes his head as well, he doesn't do it to be mean, or at least it doesn't seem like it, he just laughs becuase I'm awesome(haha).  The bell rings and we all say goodbye to eachother like it's the last time we will ever see eachother even though I see a few periodically throughout the day and they all have lunch together.  After everyon goes their seperate ways I walk down the hall with Mariah, Sarah, and Katie, sometimes Erin and Karissa.  I then go to art.

Now I really like art, I have always been a sort of artsy person but I could not stand the teacher, she was crazy insane, in a bad way, and she wasn't really a good teacher either.  I sit down at the first table in the room.  There are 3 other people I sit with at the table, we arent friends but since they seem to accept me I sit with them, plus, most everyone else in the class doesn't like me or I havent talked to them so it could be worse.  All three of them are annoying and I sit through the class trying to work through their conversastions of Kingdom of Hearts, obesity, kids, and boyfriends.  They try to include me in their conversastions but I usually dont agree with some of the bogus shit they say so I try to stay out of it. I turn to the girl next to me, Kim, and announce that I get to see Taste of Chaos in the next day and hope I can meet 30 Seconds to Mars even though Matt left.  She nods her head and tells me that I have been telling them about it since before I bought the ticket, I had been but yeah.  Thankfully the class ends early today becuase we have activty period.  I walk to my next class through the busiest area in the school and down the stairs, I put my backpack in the classroom by my desk and wait outside the door for Nikki. 

She comes and we talk for a little while before she rushes to her next class, I go back inside the room and sit down to hear the people around me talking about the party they went to last night and the dirty pictures they had taken.  I cannot stand the people in this class an I rarely talk to anyone for the whole class.  The teacher lectures most of the time while i doodle and listen to the peoples next to me conversastions, their stupidity is amusing no matter how annoying it is.   After announcments we all crowd to the door to leave, Sarah comes up to me and we both say some form of how much we hate the class.  There really is no way to describe how annoying everyone is as I hurry across the school to German.  Last term Nikki and I would meet up there, this tem we dont any more so I go right into class and sit in my desk 

This is a class of primarly freshman, a few older students, myself, and my childhood enemy.  We arent friends or enemies any more, we are nothing but we act nice and civil to eachother and if we do end up talking we act as friend.  I watch the stupid freshman boys around me giggly a little at some of the stupid things they do, a short kid with blond hair just above his shoulders with a hood on walks into the room and sits next to me. Mitch is his name, he is a pretty cool kid, he turns to me and looks at my ripped and torn penguin vans that were ruined at the My Chemical Romance concert I had been to just 16 days before.  He tells me that my shoes are ripped, I tell him that I know.  He looks at my shoes again and says in a voice you would use to talk to a small child or possibly a pet, "It's okay Mr. Penguins, everything is alright"  It makes me smile because someone talking to shoes is funny, duh. The teacher goes to the front of the room as the bell rings and greets us, we reply with; "Guten Morgen Frau Wochenski" not very in unionsion, she tells us to do it again and all at once we reply "Guten Morgen Frau Wochenski" accentuating her name. She immediatly announces that it is a review day and pairs us up.  I am partners with Tony for the review game, he is a kind of tall clueless kid and he looks at my binder of scribbles and cartoons with a picture from when I had meet frank on it, Worm is in the background.  He points to it and asks who it is, i tell him that it's frank iero from the band my chemical romance, he asks in disbelief that worm is in the band, this time he points to worm, i tell him that the other one is frank and that worm is worm, the band security gaurd.  again he asks in disbelief this time that worm is a security gaurd, i tell him yes.  "His name is Worm" he asks
"yea, stupid name right?" i reply
"Yea, he looks too dorkey to be a security guard" and the conversastion pretty much ended there.  Soon the class was over and i could go to lunch. 

I am a looser and eat in the cafateria with Libby, Cassi, Brittany, and Emily, i used to good friends with all of them but not so much any more although i still talk to Libby all the time.  I tell her excitedly about the concert and how Matt left the band and more stuff like that, she is jelous i am going becuase the only concert she has been to is coldplay, i was with her, we had box seats becuase a friend and her uncle took us, it was boring and uneventful, not really a great show at all.  We talk about Mrs. Myhre, unicorns, music, kids with big hair, and how stupid her brother is before the two of us to got Web Design.  The entire time we are working on our websites we are talking and goofing around, the class ends quickly and I go to Chemistry.  I wait outside the room for Erica and Nikki we talk for a little bit before the kid with the slip knot hoodie(from this morning), aaron, comes over to us and just stands there.  He doesnt say anything and he pushes Nikki and smirks, we all greet him happily and tell him we like that he is here as if we were talking to someone who didnt understand english well and needed cheering up.  He did need cheering up.  Our friend Ian leaves his girlfriend and walks past us, Nikki announces he has to leave, aaron leaves, and me and erica go to chemistry.  Today we have a test but during the last few minutes of class we hear like 6 preppy kids talking about going to Taste of Chaos, me and erica look at eachother confused.  we hear them asking who 30stm and the used are, a girl asks what type of music it is and they all start impersonating screamo bands but they sound more like they are throwing up rocks. she is confused and asks again, they slowly explain that it is an emo screamo punk rock show.  we leave class in disgust that we will be at a concert with them/ 

Acitivy period is same as usual, all kinda messing around and talking about nothing, there used to be a lot more people but this year there havent been, we lost a few people.  Nikki sits down against the soda machine with an old accoustic guitar and starts playing Bright Eyes, Aaron, Erica, and Jenny all take turns playing as we are all in a loose circle.  They tell me to play and i scoot back a little, shaking my head. I have guitar, I new a few songs, I needed the tabs to play them though and I was not good at all, the kept trying to convince me to play and i insisted that i did not want to and that I wouldnt.  Katie offered me some twizzlers instead, I said no that I wasnt hungry, i wasn't eating that day but I didnt tell them that.  The activity period bell rang and it was time to go home, again we all said goodbye to eachother as if we would never see eachother again even though I would talk to some of them as soon as I got home online and I would see the rest tomarrow and go through a similar schedule again.

I got to the car and my mom asked how my day was, "Boring" i reply, "thats good" she responded, and i listened to her ramble about real estate the rest of the ride home.  When i got home i refilled my water bottle and went down to my room.  I checked my emial and logged on to yahoo messenger in case anyone wanted to talk to me or I wanted to talk to anyone.  I layed on my bed watching Dr. Phil becuase nothing else was on and fell asleep.  Around 630  I woke up to the news, I was really hungry but instead of eating i went and sat down at the computer. Nikki was online so I started talking to her about the show and stuff, we somehow got onto some topic that cuased me to mention how life was pointless and didnt really care about living. she got upset but then my mom called down the stairs that Jessica, the lady I babysit for, was here. I told Nikki i was really sorry i had started talking about it but i really had to go.  When i go to Jessicas house i played with the kids for a while and while they ate dinner and watched tv i quickly checked my buzznet, since they didnt have messenger set up on this computer, and saw there was a message from nikki.  she told me that she couldnt talk to me about this sort of thing online but she would talk about it in person and that she probably wouldnt be online much anymore along with a few things trying to change my opinion about life. 

When i get home, true to her word, nikki is not online, i fall onto my bed and go to sleep exhausted and hungry. i am worried  since i have been rather down the last few weeks and that tomarrow i will have to face nikki after leaving her hanging on such a bad subject but i fall asleep effortlessly.

 

 

that was just a bunch of random days and events that have happened pretty accuratly with a few extra things that never really happened and yea.  its not really much about whats going on in my mind just whats going on in my day with a lil insight into me.

i am bored and feel like writing and today i was thinking about smiles for some reason(yea i think about wierd stuff) but i was and i duno why, but when i think of that i kinda think of that movie Win a Date with Tad Hamilton when he's like "you have 7 different kinds of smiles bla bla bla"...hey i just thought of something! a few years ago at katies birthday party we watched that and today is katies birthday.(raaandoooom)! yea but either way i like smiles so here in my boredom and inspiration to write i shall describe a few smiles i have noticed it is of none importance and you dont have to read it, its really just me being bored haha.

1. Laugh Out Loud Smile - My favorite kind of smile, when someone finds something soo incredibly funny that they cannot help but laugh out loud with a huge smile on their face and you can completly tell that the one thing made their day.  It's even better when they can't stop laughing and they keep on going with their face turning redder, their eyes starting to water, and the loud echos of laughing ringing out.
2. Fake Smile - Not a good type of smile.  It occurs when someone is being completly fake and want to seem like they are enjoying something or that they like someone but then go and walk away just to roll their eyes at whoever they were just 'smiling at'. you can usually tell that they arent truely smiling by something on their face.
3. Nervous Smile - I often have this kind of smile when I'm talking to an adult or someone I dont know very well.  I dont know why I have it when I'm talking to adults, I guess its mostly teachers...I dont know hee hee. It is often accompanied by a small nervous laugh...
4. Happy Smile - some people are just born to smile and are naturally happy a lot, they have the happy smile.  Its not a huge cheezy grin but a small satisfied one just showing that the person is happy.
5. Realization of Niceness Smile - I'm not really sure what to call this one, it's like when something makes someone just smile and you can tell they like it and its just like "yea, awesome" type thing, i really dont know how to understand this. I often get it if im hanging out with people and something nice happens or if i hear about something really nice thats just like, aww thats nice.
6. Sad Smile - The kind of smile that happens when someone is actually sad but they are trying to hide it or pull through it a little bit.  Its like when someone is miserable and there is one little thing that makes them smile in the day and its okay for a moment.
7. Cheezy Smile - Often appears if photos, its the big, teeth showing, full effort smile that goes across the face.
8. Entertainment Smile - well, i dont know if everyone has it...i know some people do.  It happens when something entertaining(such as movies, music, tv, or someone in them, etc.) makes you smile with excitment yayness.  It can be a starstruck smile thing when you meet your favorite celebrity and you cant help but smile.  It can also happen if you see your fave band live, watch an emotional or great moment on your favorite tv show or movie and you feel a connection with the character and it just makes you smile.
9. Embarassed Smile - something embarassing happens to you or someone else and you get all red and smile becuase its so embarrassing but its still kinda funny and your trying to laugh it off
10. Held Back Smile - can be combination of embarassed or laugh out loud smile. Someone is going to laugh so hard that they try to hold it back so they dont laugh really really loud or they arent suppossed to be talking or laughing and they are trying to stop so they dont get in trouble(this one came when heidi and i were playing with playdough and making unicorns while we had a substitute and were supposed to be reading silently and we turned around only to find the teacher sub right behind us :)

 

Okay so how lame am i that i waste my time writing this hahha, well yea, you wasted your time enough to read it so HA!

 

BOOTS!!!

hm well being on vacation was nice for the reason it was a break from school but now i am more behind than i thought i would be and there are not many days left of school. i have to stay after school tomarrow and probably activity period thursday and then the next tuesday would be the next day i could come in. i could probably catch up on most of it during activity periods and stuff but honestly i really really dont want to miss hanging out with my friends at that time so it sucks. i will see some of them over the summer but i duno about some of the other ones and im just getting closer to some and its not fair that school would not able me to hang out with my friends...after all it wasnt my fault i had to go on vacation. i mean damn. plus i have a buttload of days i have to babysit and stuff but i dont mind that its just sooo time consuming and like grrness i just want to hang out duh!

also pretaining to homework; the week before i left for vacation i was doing so good in school and trying really hard with i guess some iniative or something and now im sooo lazy i cant even do any more and i have forgotten everything about chemistry that i have learned which sucks cuz im really bad in that class anyway.

besides that i have sooooo many things i want to do before school ends friend-wise. i have definetly got to make a goodbye present for my friend moving to ohio and i already know what it is but it will take along time and i still have to buy some of the stuff for it plus i should try to plan a goodbye party for her. i also would like to have a regular end of the year party whether that be having everyone over or all walking around together or what but by everyone i really mean like everyone i hang out with, not just the few that usually come along, i want everyone! i also want to get together with one of my friends cuz he wants to see donnie darko and i want to see tenacious d and the pick of desteny(i have one he has the other) and rather than just switch we should hang out and watch em becuase the only other thing to do is homework. i also have been wanting to talk to a different friend about somthing since about march but somehow i havent yet and it sucks becuase although i seem like i've been alright since the week before st patricks day i really havent and im just trying to forget about it even though i pretty much cant.

 

on a happy note; a few good bands should be coming this summer and hopefully it wont turn out like last year where i dont end up seeing them all. i really want to see Violent Femmes, Say Anything, Jacks Manniquin, Blue October, Silversun Pickups, Motion City Soundtrack, and even possibly My Chemical Romance with Taking Back Sunday.           i have already seen part of a blue october set along with silverun pickups, motion city soundtrack(twice) and my chemical romance(twice) but i would love to see MCR and MCS again becuase they are like my all time favorites but like...violent femmes and say anything are completly amazing haha yes.  not to mention warped tour omg, i cant wait even though there arent a lot of great bands going i would go just to see bayside.
although i am looking forward to this summer i am super scared for it. 1st becuase im afraid i will become disconnected with some of my friends no matter how hard i try not to and 2nd becuase im afraid it will turn out like last year where i go in to the most self hating place i have ever been....that would suck pretty bad...

i also dont think i have any of the same priorities as my friends. a few are doing cool stuff like being in plays or classes or bands and stuff and a few others want to be in Yellow Tracksuit Equipment, especially erica who has been dying to be in a band for what seems like forever, but i really have no desire to be in a band. i mean yea, being in a band would be amazingly fun and stuff but i know i wouldnt go anywhere with it and i really dont enjoy playing guitar becuase i suck. and i know i suck becuase i never practice and stuff but thats not just it, i dont want to practice becuase i dont like it and i guess i dont really like playing guitar. im suprised i dont have ADD or somthing becuase seriously i dont have patience of any sort to sit alone and try playing guitar, im not that kind of person, even in art i do i cant spend a lot of time on it. most poems i have written have been written in a few days at longest, stupid songs i make up take like a minute, photographs are easily quick, and paintings take me a week tops(except the current one becuase i havent touched it since the first day i started it becuase i got bored). i just cant sit and do it i dont know why, its like im creative or inspired in little bursts and yea, that doesnt work with guitar too well. i have forgotten most of what i knew from when i played a lil more and i never even knew any chords(cuz im lame like that). im worried everyone will be busy with all of there stuff and be too busy to hang out with me and that would suck becuase i really gotta start making the most of the time with friends before everyone is really to busy, everyone leaves, or if something ever happened like i finally get the guts to go, yea i just really really dont know.

scheduling is coming up soon too.....i hope i get all the classes in the spots i want them but i really really really wish there was another creative writing class i could take. our school only offers one creative writing class, its only a term, and i already took it and it has probably been my favorite class. we have soo many english classes but they are all with writing more formal papers which i suck at but in creative writing i did really good becuase thats what im good at. i dont think writing formal papers could ever help me even if i lived long enough to have a career of any sort becuase my one possible choice of a career would be an author or poet or somthing like that and that is where you write CREATIVLY, you dont have a real set form with themes and primary and secondary supports and for poetry you dont need grammar, form, even real words at all to make it good.

speaking of poetry....i have been trying a new way of writing poems its a secret and kinda stupid but i will tell you anyway just cuz if your reading this your awesome so you deserve to know, but dont tell anyone or i will killl you hahahaha. yea its not really a secret i just stupid. yea but i duno in world history i thought of it becuase i had always heard a phrase and kinda wrote a poem after it but mr hribar was lecturing as always and i started putting some of the phrases he said into random orders and i thought it sounded pretty cool, well at least better than some of my other stuff; here is one for example, tell me if its okay or if its just me;

Colonization Harvest Boredom

If you would have joined us you would have won
We've been learning and talking of this.
The world is changing
use it to benifeit yourself,
it's the moral obligation.
they're savages;
that's one more reason -
sometimes a real reason...
other times an excuse.
Right along the coast.
again there's that word; "protection".
not even 100 years old at this point,
doing what we fought against
what are we doing, why?
not to live there.
to take over initially,
indirect versus head on.
Most of them still are,
feel like they're still in charge.
if they should rebel can you put it down?
you don't want to try.

i know it might not really make sense or anyting and a lot of parts really dont belong but i think its pretty good for taking phrases i hear randomly and organizing them somewhat. yea.

 

sorry for this random journal of mostly complaints and some random stuff, most of it i just have to get out there becuase i find it hard to talk to someone and when i can they arent around or there is no time, its too wierd to talk about some of this stuff anyway. whatever, im glad that i can actually write stuff, this cures boredom even though it causes me to get more behind on my homework. too bad this entertained me waay more.

while on vacation to arizona i wrote a lil bit about what i did each day, if your intrested;

 

Arizona - Day 1
We left the house around noon and stopped at Kopps for lunch, their burgers are so huge it's

disgusting! okay the car ride was horrible becuase i didn't want to waste my batteries yet

so no music. we got to the airport about 2 hours early and went through security really fast

it was way less than i expected it would be.  I tried hooking my computer up to the airports

wi fi but found that you had to be a member of some sort to use it :( so yea we got on the 

plane and it was okay. it was boring but i listened to smashing pumpkins, motion city

soundtrack
and my chemical romance.  the flight attendents gave me robert and leah the left over

cookies
they were really good.  i got some sweet pictures from the plane and stuff its cool. we got

to
Arizona at like....i duno 5 somthing Arizona time.  this house is so small and so open omg.

i have to share a room with leah, with no door, there are like no doors in this place, and

it connects to the kitchen/living room. even the bathrooms are connected to other rooms I

CANT ESCAPE! there
is like no grass here. people have rocks for lawns...what the fuck, there is a huge cactus

outside though
(i just got interuppted by leah trying to read this becuase of lack of privasy) me and

robert
discovered one of the only tings to do here is to ride bikes, there are only 2 so leah cant

ride with us.
it is also the only way to escape the heat becuase there is no breeze and they do not have

air conditioning
becuase who has air conditioning in 90 degree weather? gar. sooo of course the only things i

really brought
was a stack of cds and cd player, david bowie book, a magazine,a sketch book, and my lap

top. i can survive
without internet, dont get me wrong, but not when there is absoulutly nothing else to do and

i dont have a
good writing system or photo editor on this computer. i will have no contact with any one

for all i know.
we cant even go SWIMMING!!!! there is a pool but there is extremly limmited time and an

extreme amount of rules
plus it will be packed of everyone else in the area becuase its like the only one. we are

kinda near a town, i guess withen walking distance to walgreens supposedly...but its outside

of the area we are allowed...that sucks
and they have the whole week planned out and im like well...we should try going to walgreens

one of these days
the completly disregarded my thoughts. ah also right before i started writing this we had

cake for my uncle jack birthday...angel cake....which is basically bread...ew. soooooooo i

turned on my computer hoping that i would have some sort of connection even if only temprory

and i dont. gar.so yea.im currently typing this as everyone else  watches dancing with the

stars....that show sucks...and there is only one tv here...and all jack does is talk about 

his stupid kids and his stupid self. i am seriously betting that the best part of this trip

will be the plane ride. i cant even get any good pictures here for some reason. i got a few

but everything sucks here. and how cliche is this,  we are on Cactus Dr.......its sick.

gabblegooblefuck. o did i mention that this is an old person trailer park thing and

everything here is old personish. what the fuck is that? o and not to mention they didnt

even notice my hair cut buttheads. they smell

soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad. yea...well i guess i will stop

writing, only becuase there is SO much else to do...*sarcastic* maybe i will waste all my

batteries and listen to music. i  guess its pretty sad that i am actually looking forward to

doing my world history homework,too bad its not unpacked  yet and its in a different

suitcase. gar. screw this and its crapiness...ugh leah  is reading over my shoulder and its

all complaining. grrnesssssssssss

Day 2
Okay...day two...
i was awoken sometime before 9(on vacation! what the frick?) and i took a shower n such in the extremly small shower. i was taller than the shower head and yea...it sucked. i got dressed and everything and we pretty much left right away for a day of 'fun'.  First we went to some Ghost Town Thing...becuase it was free...well it was free to be there and look in all the gift stores and cool old buildings a few other things but there was a museum to pay for, old pictures to pay for, gold mining to pay for etc. we didnt do any of that stuff and we left.  we drove around mountains and stuff for a while until we got to an area where we could see canyon lake er somthing and got out and looked at it for a halfhourish. then we got back in the car and drove around for a while more until we came to tortilla flat which was a resturaunt, 2 giftshops and a room about the resturaunt.  it had some decorations around it like a fake motel horses and dude hanging himself, i was pretty tempted to steal his posistion.  the resturaunt was pretty cool though, the entire walls and parts of the cielings were covered in dollar bills, mostly from america, but some from all over the world. i read in the room about the resturaunt that in around '97 there were over 80,000 and there are assumbly double that now. wow. the bathrooms were really scary there, i posted pictures, they creeped me out. we left and drove around for about 2 hours more and stopped at the 99 cent store on the way back. every single thing there was 99 cents unlike other stores that promise such deals, they had some amazingly cool things....a lot of stuff from the ninties tho, like spice girls dolls, back street boys books, and 101 dalmations barretts that looked like spotted dog bones... we had to leave hurridly becuase no one else wanted to stay there. we came back to the trailer and i listend to my patent pending cd and put the pictures i have taken onto my camera. at 4:30 we left to go swimming, we are only allowed to go swimming from 4:30-6:00 and theres a buttload of useless rules becuase of bitchy old people.  one of them yelled at my mom for not having a ponytail in her hair and it was supposedly too long. the second we got in the pool they were angry and talking about us and yea, idiots.  so we had to leave, we drove aroudn the place for a while and came back. i found we were having italian sausages and brats for dinner...i hate both ew. so whateveri went in me and leahs room and told robert to get out and he wouldnt. i just wanted a few god damn minutes not being surrounded by people and i got in trouble for callling him an idiot and telling him to get out, even though HE was playing with a KNIFE at the time!!! gr so my mo was yelling at me and bla bla bla and now im waiting to see whats going on with dinner becuase my gramma said she would make me a grilled cheese but my mom told her not to and my dad said i should have the can of spaggettios we got and said i would just have to deal with it. we cant even leave to go anywhere because there is just one car. ooo and guess what else, most of the people around here drive around on stupid golf karts and you have to be 16 to and jack wont let me yet robert who is only like 11 can at night! not fair...i dont even understand how that fucking works. its so hot and dry and pointless here. there is no grass and they paint their tree trunks white, idiots. this sucks.

Day 3
today was actually a good day. i got woke up early at like 6ish and we left almost imediatly for the grand canyon.  it was about a 6 hour car drive but it was okay.  we drove through sedona and it was pretty, we drove thru some other places too, we also stopped in the town in sedona and looked at a few stores even though they werent part of 'our itinerary'and i got a lil block thing with a few colored rocks with eyes on it and it said rock band. there was even a really tall one for eric(cuz he always comes with us to concerts). its pretty cool.  Then we drove for a long time more and eventually stopped at a wendy's i think it was the first time i had eaten there, pretty okay stuff.  we finally got to the grandcanyon at i dont know what time. it was crazy cool.  i didnt think it would be that great becuase uh its just a canyon but it was actually really pretty and cool and intresting and stuff. there were a bunch of different places to look out and one of them was really cool becuase it had this path thing that lead down 3 miles to these copper mine things and stuff and it was awesome even thought i felt like i was gonna fall a bunch. there was a huge rock that looked like a t-rex skull and it was cool cuz i luv dinosaurs and stuff.  yea so we finished up with the grand canyon and stopped at this giftshop resturaunt thing on route 66 in Seligman and then came to this motel thingie with yes, you guessed it, internet access. now it doesnt seem to be working though hm. haha my mom i singing in the shower right now. yea soooo whatever its actually morning of day 4 but its early n stuff. the guy who owns or manages this place is a funny dude. he has a thick accent and you can barely understand him but hes like "oh yea, jessica simpson stayed here, so did the baldwin brothers, you know, alec n steven with the hair..they have the same hair...and so did matt leblank you know from the friends show, he was very very polite" haha. yes. okay im out

Day 4
Today when i woke up we went and looked around at all the route 66 stuff, it was pretty cool, they had a bunch of cars made to look like the ones from the movie cars and it was awesome cuz that movie rocks.  we drove for a long long long time til we got to this lil city called Jerome er somthing...STONER VILLE!!!!!!! no seriously there was a shop called Puffin Stuff, it was an adult gift store, and we parked right in front of some dude with long blonde dreads selling bongs and pipes n such on the sidewalk! what? i could not stop laughing...every store in the small town was either an art gallary, bar, or head shop, very humerous, it was really pretty though non the less becuase of the cool architechter(it was built into cliffs and stuff). so we drove for a long long time more til we got to some ancient indian place with houses in cliffs and i got some cool pictures and then we drove back to the trailer. the rest of the way back i blasted my mp3 player and if you know me at all you know i luv music duh and well if i cant sing along i mouth the words and bang my head a lot so of course i was doing this the way home and some guys a lil older than me maybe were laughing at me when they passed...yea...so yea know i uploaded all my millions of pictures on to my computer and there is like no room and now when i get my pics developed it will be lik a hundred dollars, i really should just get a camera printer thing some day hahaha. garrness, only a few days left of this i cant wait to be back. im sick of everything i say being turned down, rebutted and turned into a lecture. seriously, we were talking about energy drinks and i said that some kids have them becuase school starts too early and they want energy and there was a huge fight about 1)school starting time and 2)if people should drink energy drinks. i ended it with "MY HEADPHONES ARE ON I CANT HEAR YOU" seriously tho everything said or done wrong gets a lecture. leah made a funny face for a picture my gramma took of her and my gramma started saying how that was wrong and some day she would be ashamed she did that and such and such. stiff stiff stiff, she even argued with my mom when we stopped at a store along the way becuase it wasnt on our itinary. but whatever. i liked the grand canyon, it was cool.

Day 5
today is cinco de mayo...if thats how you spell it. haha. yea so today we went to a big flea market thing. they didnt have too much great stuff but i got 2 headbands, the kids i bought them from were odd, the girl reminded me a lot of nikkis big sister in away only with a huge accent.  yea so then we came home and left a little later for Fiddlesticks Arcade thingy. we didnt do arcade stuf but we did ride go carts and stuff, robert n leah went on the bumperboats n other stuff but i didnt. we just got home and now food is cooking. yay chicken. can you believe walgreens didnt have butter? we had to get butter and supposedly they didnt have any but i think that my gramma just couldnt find it becuase im pretty sure walgreens carries butter regularly.

Day 6
Today we went to this place by PHX Zoo, but not the actual zoo it just shared a parking lot, but it was like this huge rock mountain like thing with holes in it and we climbed through it and around it and stuff and it was pretty cool. i like climbing around stuff just like when we went down the path at the grand canyon. if i ever come back here it would be awesome to go all the way down that path and check it out down there and then come back up. maybe sit for a lil bit somewhere throught out it and draw or somthign or another but whatevereverever. yea so mhm. then we got back and hung out for a skosh and then we went swimming from 4:30 to 6:00, the only time we are allowed and now we are back and i think my gramma might be starting dinner soon. im soo happy that we are leaving early tomarrow but we wont be back in wisconsin til lik 5-5:30 but yea...i cant wait to see everyone again although i can wait for all the make up work! i have decided i am going to activity period tuesday when im back and hanging out with everyone and maybe i will just stay after school to start the makeup work or somthing becuase i just need to hang out with people n stuff before doing a crapload of school work. i hope everyone likes their sweet souviners i got em although i have no idea how i will fit them all on the plane :)

 

and that was it, i am now home and happy.

vacation is not so great, the grand canyon was pretty good thought...on the other hand i have great great great news and it makes me very happy

MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK IS COMING TO THE RAVE AUGUST 2ND AND I WILL GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mcs is like my favorite and they were the main reason i wanted to go to lollapalooza but this is 2 days before that and i have to HAVE TO go!!! omg i will be so happy they are just so wonderful

 

to all my friends n shit i miss u more than you even know, no one likes talking to me and im not allowed to drive the golf kart and robert is. what?!?!?! agh wootness for motion city i cant even get that out of my head

i am going to post some of the pictures i have uploaded to my computer so far and possibly upload some more to post, i am just happy to be doing something instead of laying down in a hot room reading about david bowie, there is an entire 40 page chapter about his clothes....this book may just make me hate him. soo yea this place we are staying in, supposedly jessica simpson, alec baldwin, and matt leblank have stayed here, whatever....im glad that this room is new and we are sposedly the first to be staying in this room(and it looks clean and new and stuff not gross and stuff so thats pretty good. i missed the new scrubs anyone know what happend? did elliot say yes? wait dont tell me! i need to see it! what what what??? arg i miss everyone. boo

okay soooooo everyone imm gonna post some pictures now so go look at them.

-Arizonian Rhianna

its 10:26 and we arent leaving until 12:30.....all my stuff is in my carry along bag besides the computer but that has to go in there soon. Gar. im soooo unexcited, and im sure i know what will happen when i am gone

• my AP Magazine will finally come
• my free PETA stuff will come in the mail
• i think a free braclet from the buzzmob is supposed to come

these are all things that would make me happy becuase i love getting things in the mail and now i wont be able to :( gr. buuuuuuuuut on the other hand i found out that there is a Walgreens within walking distance to my grammas place there. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS i LOVE walgreens i am happy about that and thats pretty much it. since there is a limit on stuff we can bring the only stuff i can bring is my camera, lap top, david bowie book, sketchbook(n pencils), and a few cds and a cd player. oh, and my patrick doll!(hes only been out of state once and that was to chicago)

yes sooo i really hope

• securities not a bitch
• there arent any random terrorists aboard the plane
• the pilot wont be drunk and
• we wont crash

im not even afraid of flying or anything its just the stuff that could happen, and even if it did happen its not like im afraid of dying or anything but thats a shitty way to die.

i wish the planes were like...purple....and i wish they played my chemical romance.....i wish they were fluffy to...that would be weird, a big purple fluffy mcr playing plane!

wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll my mom keeps buggin me to clean my room(even tho its already clean) n stuff but yea whatever.

I will miss everyone a lot a lot, Nikki, Erica, and Andi; Make sure to be extra hyper/crazy/cool to make up for me not being there. and dont forget about me!!!

damn it feels like i will be gone forever even though its only a week...

and then she is the darkness - Rhianna